Friendships in your 30’s are wild – you go from “we should totally get matching tattoos” to “please RSVP to my themed birthday party” in under 5 years. One minute you’re besties, the next you’re on the group chat blacklist because your costume wasn’t nerdy enough.
One Redditor recently found herself caught in a mix of awkward looks and passive-aggressive digs, when she showed up to her friend’s cosplay-themed birthday party dressed as the lovable Pheobe from “Friends”, but apparently her idea of “favorite character” didn’t quite match the rest of the crowd.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:Some guests leave birthday celebrations with party favors, while others take home side-eyes and shaming
One woman joins her friend’s cosplay-themed birthday party dressed as Pheobe from “Friends”, gets shamed for not trying hard enough
The woman’s friend, a huge fan of fandom and fanfiction, organizes her 30th birthday party, asking all the guests to show up in cosplay from their favorite series
The woman is not into the same genre as her friends, so she shows up dressed as Phoebe Buffay From “Friends”
“You definitely might have tried”: The woman is shamed by her friend in front of everyone for not putting enough effort into her costume
The OP (original poster) decided to channel her inner ‘90s icon and arrived in full Pheobe Buffay glory to her bestie’s birthday party, flowy dress, funky layers, guitar energy and all. But apparently, in this group of sci-fi-obsessed, fantasy-loving super fans, a quirky sitcom character didn’t exactly scream cosplay elite.
While everyone else was busy wielding lightsabers or summoning spellcasters, the OP rolled in with Central Perk vibes. And let’s just say, the birthday lady, Rachel, wasn’t thrilled. After side-eying the outfit and offering an “I guess that counts,” Rachel later publicly called the OP out in the most sugar-coated roast imaginable: “you might have tried.” Ouch!
The OP left the party feeling deflated, and the next day, Rachel texted her offering to help pick a costume next time, so she wouldn’t be “embarrassed.” Because nothing says friendship like a side of unsolicited advice wrapped in a shade burrito.
So, is the OP the villain here for not coming dressed as an elf from Middle Earth or some obscure anime character no one outside Tumblr has heard of? Or is Rachel the real problem for turning a fun, inclusive theme into a competition?
To be fair, cosplay culture is a thing. Cosplay, short for “costume play”, is basically Halloween, but all year round and with way more hot glue burns. The term itself was coined in Japan in the 1980s, where it took off in anime and gaming circles and evolved into a global phenomenon. Today, cosplay is both a creative outlet and a fandom flex.
It’s not just about throwing on a wig—it’s performance art, fashion design, and fan love all wrapped into one. Whether you’re recreating every seam of a Marvel suit or just vibing in a Phoebe Buffay outfit, cosplay is about embodying a character you love and sharing that love with others. There’s no official rulebook, just passion, effort, and a willingness to be bold, weird, and occasionally covered in glitter.
Phoebe Buffay might not have cast spells, but she did cast a vibe, and that should count for something. Because authenticity isn’t just a buzzword from a therapy podcast—it’s your social survival kit. Being real about who you are, even if that means showing up in fringe and guitar straps, is what makes you magnetic.
People who stay true to themselves tend to have stronger self-esteem, healthier relationships, and way less burnout. The people who matter will always value honesty over conformity. And the ones who don’t? Let them cosplay as decent friends somewhere else.
What do you think of this story? Does dressing up as “Pheobe” count or should the poster have researched the theme better? Drop your thoughts and comments below!
Netizens are divided on this one, some siding with the woman while others say she could have asked for advice before picking a costume
