Some people say that love lasts three years. Heck, there’s even a book written about it! But research shows that it’s not that simple. Marital satisfaction decline depends on how happy the couple was at the beginning of the marriage. Stress levels, communication, aggression, and personality traits also play a big role.
Interestingly, this couple faced a different kind of challenge after four years of marriage. Suddenly, the wife started claiming that the couple wasn’t married. She asked her husband to call her his “girlfriend,” refused to wear her wedding ring, and generally acted like the wedding hadn’t happened. Frustrated and confused about why she was acting this way, the husband asked for advice online.
RELATED:A husband became worried about his wife after she kept insisting that they had never married
Because the marriage seemed fine otherwise, he couldn’t understand where this was coming from
Personality changes are natural over time, but sudden, strange behaviors signal something more alarming
This story seems quite peculiar: how would you explain the wife’s behavior? Did she forget she got married because of dissociation or a more serious mental health problem? Is it an identity crisis brought on by the pressure of the “wife” label?
People change throughout life; that’s just how it is. The person you married four years ago might be different from the person you are living with today. Research confirms that personality traits in spouses change over time. A 2018 study, for example, found that husbands become less agreeable and extraverted but more thorough. Wives, in contrast, come to be less open, agreeable, and neurotic.
Still, marriage does increase happiness for many people. A 2012 study showed that marriage satisfaction remains high for many couples during the first year. However, after that, it settles into the baseline, similar to what it was before.
But sudden personality changes, like many commenters pointed out, can mean a serious health emergency. In some cases, peculiar behavior might be triggered by PTSD or depression, undiagnosed conditions like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, medication or other substances, concussions, heart attacks, strokes, brain tumors, Lyme disease, or Parkinson’s disease.
But is there really an unexpected personality change in this case? According to the husband, the wife still acts as she always did, things in the bedroom department are peachy, and the couple is even considering children. However, we only have the story from one side, and the husband never posted an update or even made any comments. Was there really something wrong with the wife? We may never know.
Many relationships follow a similar evolution
Just like people change, relationships evolve as well. Research has shown that many relationships follow a similar progression as both spouses evolve, change, and grow closer together or further apart.
Here are the five relationship stages:
The honeymoon phase. This is the infatuation period, which starts soon after meeting each other. The couple falls in love and may be blind to or choose to ignore the things that irritate them about their partner more often.Getting together. This is when the couple starts living under one roof or eventually gets married. Small changes in the behavior of both partners might start popping up, like differences in doing chores and daily habits. Still, both partners are willing to overlook annoyances because it’s still the early days.Disillusionment and the struggle for power. This phase is more challenging to navigate. It might become apparent that values and life goals are different, like one partner wanting kids and the other changing their mind. Some couples break up during this stage; however, others even grow stronger after they conquer the hurdles.Commitment. When and if the couples get through the third stage, their relationship is made forever stronger. Partners start accepting differences in their spouses and adapt to each other’s personalities accordingly.Collaboration. When the relationship is stronger than ever, the couple creates something new together. A house, raising a puppy, getting pregnant – these are the goals many strong couples navigate toward when they feel like they can take on the world together.
Changes in a relationship are natural, but couples need to take them on together. When the couple changes together, a relationship can evolve. If one partner changes without the other (decides they no longer want to have children, be married, live somewhere the other doesn’t, identifies as another gender, etc.), the couple may need time and effort to make it through.
“Sounds like a mental breakdown,” many commenters said, suggesting that the wife was denying reality
