Kids are simple. We’re born clueless yet eager to learn and love. We view things differently, and the majority of the time, it doesn’t all turn out to be rainbows and butterflies.
“What was normal to you as a kid, but you later realized how [messed up] it actually was?” – this internet user took to one of Reddit’s most informative and thought-provoking communities, inviting its members to share screwed-up things they believed to be OK while growing up. The post garnered over 7K upvotes as well as 4.7K comments.
More info: Reddit
#1
My parents would move into the RV if the kids were sick and not let us near them. Not help. No support. No love. Also they would often just tell me to kick rocks if i was trying to have a conversation as a young preteen and teen.I have kids now. They are sick right now. I still kiss them hug them hold my girls hair if shes puking.I dont care if i get sick my faimy and kids mean so much to me that a cold means nothing.I was very alone as a kid. My 3 kids will not feel this pain. Ever.
We was lucky enough to get in touch with u/True_Customer_8913, the thread’s creator, and we posed them a couple of questions. “It’s always interesting to hear about people’s past, and since I have a little childhood trauma, I can relate sometimes,” the Redditor said when we wondered about the inspiration behind the post. We then asked the author whether they’d be willing to answer their own question; they agreed and replied as follows: “Probably the fact that I thought it was normal for parents to hit their kid.”
#2
When I was 7, I came to the realization that if I showed any signs that I was in a good mood around my mother, she would find some reason to yell at me. Even started testing it, would walk into rooms she was in smiling vs not and proved my theory right, so I just stopped smiling, and it didn’t take much longer for it to stop being an act.
#3
I thought it was normal for peoples Mothers to be in bed all day. Got really freaked out when I saw other people’s mothers up and around doing normal s**t.Turned out mine was dying.
#4
Thought it was normal to constantly apologize over even the slightest little f**k-up so I don’t get screamed at. I still have this problem today.
#5
I thought it was normal to walk on eggshells around my father to avoid having him blow up In anger over the littlest things such as crying, eating snacks, the tiniest bit of bickering, and whispering but there were many more examples. He was deployed alot when I was little and he received a lot of head trauma in the process which explains his actions and he is really adamant on changing his behavior towards us now and that makes me happy.
#6
Parents used to wake me up at 4 am to make them a drink. I slept over a friends house one night and slept till 7 am! My first words to my friend were ” Why didn’t your parents wake us up at 4 am?” She said why would they? I said to make them a drink? I will never forget the look she gave me That was when I realized it wasn’t normal, I was 12.
#7
My mom’s boyfriend would pick me up by my hair sometimes. It didn’t hurt a s**t ton so I never complained, which in turn made him keep doing it.My hair was always in a ponytail so it was easy to grab and do.I told a coworker about it and laughed because it wasn’t a terrible memory. But he didn’t laugh like I did. It was more of a nervous laugh then he says “That’s actually pretty f****d up.” Then I started to think about all the stuff I actually do remember from my childhood and realized how s****y it really was. I have two kids and it was never a thought to ever pick them up by their hair.
#8
We weren’t just playing “Xtreme” hide and seek but rather being hidden so that he wouldn’t hurt us to get at mom again.
#9
Being hungry all the time. Being 7 years old and thinking how clever I was when I figured out dumpster diving.
#10
Always being on edge at home because I never knew what mood my mum would be in
#11
I remember my sister had this fake belly button ring she showed my dad. He immediately ripped it out which was quite painful. I asked if he even knew if it was fake and he didn’t.He thought it was real and did that.
#12
Being in elementary school and waking myself up for school, making all my own food, and walking myself 1-2 blocks to the bus stop while my mom slept. Making almost all meals for myself. I lived off of mushroom soup for lunch because that’s all I could figure out how to cook.
#13
Not being allowed to feel or express any type anger or sadness
#14
I thought it was normal for dads to scream and throw things at their family every night.
#15
I was in between my parents “divorce war” and then my mom fell ill, cancer. It killed her slowly and my dad made it more painful for everyone involved. I was 10 when it started and 16 when she passed. My dad made my life living hell for all this time, and still until I was about 19. It just stopped because I put my foot down and said enough. Also I have 2 younger brothers I was caring for all this time.
#16
Having to beg your teacher to let you go to the bathroom- as a 16 year old
#17
Being afraid of night time because it meant my dad would come home and scream at us/attack us. Thought all moms were sad and cried every day
#18
I had been campaigning for a raise in my allowance for a long time. Finally, my mom caved and said she was giving me a boost from $5 /week to $20 / month. I was pretty proud of myself. Took me longer than I’d like to admit that mom worked me over pretty good.
#19
My parents wouldn’t let me say “pee” or “poop” so I was walking around as a three year old saying things like “I have to have a bowel movement”
#20
Being bullied and threatened with violence by your father and having your mother make excuses or outright blaming you for it.”Well you know how he is.” And “Well you shouldn’t have stood up for yourself.”It destroyed my self-esteem and confidence growing up, it has taken years to rebuild myself. One good thing that has come from this, I don’t yell at people or threaten people if they make me angry. In the best situation I am able to resolve conflict in a civil and respectful manner. Worst case I remove myself from the situation and go for a walk to clear my head so I can later reapproach the conflict with a cool head.
#21
Mom used to tell me to cough extra hard at the doctors office so she could get the good cough syrup.
#22
Getting dragged all over town from party to party with my Dad.He would just leave my brother and me in the car while he went inside bars and drank. I remember a lady seeing us one time and pressing her tits into the window. I was like 7, so I wasn’t interested at all at the time. I remember seeing fights, watching people get arrested, watching people puke all over the parking lot then drive off.If we were at a house party, he would bring us inside, which was better than being stuck in the car at least, but these parties were ragers and it was rare that other kids would be around, so my brother and I would just sit in a room and watch movies or play with someone else’s kid’s stuff while everyone got wasted. There were times when my dad was too drunk to drive, or he got lucky, so we’d just have to find a spot to crash for the night and wake him up in the morning when we were ready to go.He would take us out on the lake in the summer time, and we would have to beg him to buy non-alcoholic drinks, so we could have something, or we’d fill up old water bottles at home and bring them in the with us because he’d grab a case a beer and not put a single other thought to the cooler.Eventually around the time I was 9-10, he just started leaving us at the house unless other kids were going to be there. Literally because he got tired of hearing us complain about not having other kids to play with not because he was putting us in inherently dangerous situations.He was definitely an alcoholic, but not the kind you would expect, I only ever saw him truly wasted like twice in my whole life, he was very well put together and actually very successful with his career. He just did not give a single thought to my brother and me growing up, we were just like little tag-alongs to him. His girlfriends were the main reason he took us on trips growing up.It just was what it was growing up, but in hindsight it was a really chaotic childhood.
#23
Dad being drunk before noon every day. I didn’t think it was NORMAL, but I didn’t know how ABnormal it was.
#24
I thought having night terrors was normal.And apologizing over every miniscule thing that I could have possibly done wrong (or blaming myself for the mistakes of others) because I was terrified of getting yelled. Still struggle with this, but I’m getting better.
#25
There was a kid in my primary school class who would talk about how his parents didn’t care what he was up to, so he was out playing until 10 or 11 at night. Most of us at the time had bedtimes of 7 or 8pm, 9 when were in later years of primary. It wasn’t until much later that I realised that a kid being out at that time (and on their own as well) wasn’t a good thing. At the time, we all thought that it sounded awesome.
#26
Not saying I love you to my parents. Can’t remember the last time I said it. Didn’t realise how f****d up that was until I started hanging out with my friends and how they would tell their parents they loved them before they left the house or before they end a phone call
#27
That my dad would bring his beer with him in the car. Or that being pulled over happened pretty often when I was with my dad in the car (he always had a failure to appear warrant out for some stupid traffic ticket).He was one of those functional alcoholics who you never saw drunk.My parents love me, and genuinely did their best, but they’re not the sort of people known for making good decisions.
#28
When I was in the first grade my parents started leaving me home alone. I was 6. Both my parents worked I would come home from school to a empty house every day. I didn’t have keys to get in at first so I would try and find a unlocked window and climb in. My dad yelled bat me for scuffing the siding with my shoes. He gave me a set of keys to the front door. Looking back i was the only kid in my class that had a set of keys on them.
#29
Not really f****d up, but my mom did not cook. If she had a choice the kitchen would be an additional closet. She grew up in another country with a driver, maid and cook. She never really learned nor had any real need for food. She lived on coffee and cigarettes.Growing up I thought a grilled cheese was two pieces of white bread with a slice of kraft American cheese thrown in a microwave for a minute. I didn’t know any better until I went a friends and their mom made a real grilled cheese. I was so confused.
#30
Being abused and/neglected, being responsible for raising my siblings as a child, parents who communicated mainly through belittling, insults, and yelling, never exchanging hugs or affection or saying “I love you” to family members
#31
I had a stranger casually invite me to his own to get cat treats. I was a kid outside looking for my lost cat. I declined just thinking “I think I almost found him and will lose him if I leave”Looking back I always think it was very odd how this older man specifically invited me into his home instead of just getting the treats himself and coming back to help.
#32
My mother calling me names and putting down my looks.
#33
Parents fighting and screaming everyday while me and my sisters hid on one of our rooms. Hearing things slam and bang between shouting battles. We grew up poor and a lot of it was financial stress but gotten taken out on all of us. Always needing to “go to the store” which back then i thought was a valid reason, but later found out we couldn’t afford to go to the store. Despite this, giving money to church while we struggled to eat.
#34
Putting spiders into ant nests thinking I’m a god and watching the titan battle the ant troopers.Ah, the “innocence” of childhood.Now I make bug/bird houses for my garden and try to provide as much habitat for wild creatures as I can. 😂
#35
Impoverished living conditions. No power or water for weeks at a time, little to no food, worn out clothing and hand me downs.I started to see how my peers were living and thought maybe something wasn’t quite right with my home life.
#36
Parenting my siblings and ALWAYS BEING THE MEDIATOR
#37
During the divorce they would try to get information about each other and say the other one was bad for me.
#38
I live in England and my uncle’s neighbour had a pet monkey living in a big enclosure in his garden. This was in the early 2000s. I assumed this was totally normal. No idea how he got it. We still know those neighbours and it’s just never discussed.
#39
Ive mistaken my fathers confidence with his narcissisms…
#40
Being abused and not getting any attention from my parents
Children often experience challenging situations that seem normal to them at the time. When looking back, they may realize that their childhoods weren’t always what they seemed. In a similar vein, the story of a teen who faced neglect and bullying within her family illustrates the profound impact of such experiences. Instead of being supported by her mother, she was trapped in an environment that ignored her wellbeing.
This reflects how some children perceive problematic family dynamics as normal, only to later recognize their adverse effects.