Probably most of you will agree that ghosting a person when you are already in a relationship is not the best move. In any case, it is not the smartest move, but when you have already spent quite a few years together it is even worse. However, if you do that anyway – well, probably the least you want is to meet that person somewhere again.
But there is also a situation that is even worse than just meeting the person you ghosted – it’s finding out that they are going to be your new boss. This one person found himself in this exact situation – after ghosting his ex-girlfriend, years later he found out that she’s going to be a new director at a school where he works.
More info: Reddit
Running into the person who you ghosted is never a nice surprise, let alone finding out they are your new boss
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
This man shares that more than 10 years ago, he was in a relationship with a woman called Sylvia for 3 years and while she wanted to settle, he was not ready to commit and just ghosted her
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko (not the actual photo)
Years later, he works as a math teacher in an international school and got informed that they are getting a new director – who is his ex-girlfriend, Sylvia
Image credits: Vlada Karpovich (not the actual photo)
He added that he immediately reached out about wanting to discuss how they can move forward, but in response, the next day got a call from the chair of school board
Image credits: u/Scientific-Whammy
He had a meeting with him and Sylvia and they stated that it was important to put some measures in place that were rather excessive, so he decided to just resign on the spot
A reader of the ‘Ask a Manager’ blog by Alison Green wrote a letter of shock after finding out that his ex-girlfriend, who he had ghosted about 10 years ago, turned out to be his new boss in an international school. Later the letter was reposted on Reddit and collected over 3.6K upvotes and more than 500 comments.
The original poster (OP) starts explaining his situation that he has been an expat for quite a while and about a decade ago, he was in a relationship with a woman named Sylvia. He later added that they were together for 3 years and lived together for 2, but while she wanted to settle, he didn’t feel ready for it and well, he ghosted her. He moved out and left the country.
Now, he works in an international school as a teacher, where one day he learned that they are getting a new director who is, as you may guess, the same Sylvia. He was lost as to what he should do because changing jobs is not the solution. He later posted an update sharing that he reached out to Sylvia and to HR, but the next day got a call from the chair of their board asking to meet him as soon as possible.
The meeting took place between him, the chair and Sylvia, and it’s no surprise that it was embarrassing. The board considered that it was necessary to put some measures in place that OP later added were excessive and would have made his position unfeasible (such as never talk to each other without a third person present, all meetings documented, etc.).
OP noted that he resigned on the spot and came out of this situation without a job, no severance and no prospect for another job in the city. He also found out later that Sylvia’s husband comes from a prominent family and everyone knows them. “Nepotism is prevalent in this culture and family status really matters,” he added.
The community members in the comments were the most furious about the man’s behavior for ghosting his girlfriend of 3 years and discussed that the measures seemed reasonable. “The measures they imposed seem pretty sensible to me. Hell, I think I follow a lot of them at my own job without it being imposed,” one user wrote. “Leaving without a trace after 3 years is NOT ghosting, let’s be clear, it’s being an evil selfish jerk,” another added.
Image credits: Vanessa Garcia (not the actual photo
We got in touch with Leigh Elena Henderson, better known as HRManifesto, and she kindly agreed to shed light on the organization’s proposed measures in the story, their drawbacks, how common they actually are and how HR departments can ensure fairness where personal connections may influence decision-making within the organization.
“A measure like requiring a 3rd party in all interactions is quite rare in the workplace and usually only a short-term solution during times of conflict or discipline,” Leigh emphasized. “For example, you may see legal counsel join conversations if an employee has reported their boss for bad behavior. Best to have a neutral witness to ensure the discussion is productive and on the up and up.”
She also added that this solution of mandating a 3rd party in every conversation with a manager would never work in the long run for an extended period of time because managers and employees need to communicate in order to achieve their goals and the majority of the communication is informal and on the spot.
“Could you imagine always having to book a meeting and managing 3 calendars in order to schedule? You’d never get anything done and frustrations would arise. In this case, I believe the proposed measures were purposefully extreme to pressure the employee into resigning – which ultimately worked in the organization’s favor!”
She pointed out that in this scenario, it’s better not to resign. “Put it on the organization to manage through the politics and just deal with the awkwardness – especially if you need the job and don’t have prospects! Wait for the organization to package you out once they don’t want to deal with the drama anymore.”
Speaking about nepotism, Leigh shared that it’s nearly impossible to manage it, especially when people with the connections are the ones in charge. “They have the power and influence to get their way and if they want it badly enough, they’re nearly impossible to stop. Remember, HR professionals are employees too and it takes a lot of courage to stand up to bad leadership who exploit their privilege.”
She pointed out that HR professionals get fired for standing up to unethical behavior all the time! They should focus on coaching leaders and building relationships built on trust so they have the ability to influence the influencer. “A focus on procedural and distributive justice in the workplace is key because it’ll influence the culture to be just where political behaviors aren’t tolerated and bad bosses won’t survive long.”
So, guys, what is your take on this situation? Share your thoughts below! And of course, don’t forget to check out Leigh’s Instagram, TikTok, website and podcast!
Redditors didn’t feel sorry for the man and they just shamed him for ghosting his ex-girlfriend
